Dis be our collaborationz...

Proceed with caution...Kelley and I had to write a paper for a training session about salvation history. This is what came out...it's interesting and funny. It will make more sense if you read it out loud. We just hope the guy who is teaching the class understands that we love salvation, we also just happen to love using ebonics. Enjoy!

Grab yo’self some chicken, pull up a rocker and gather ‘round, I’s gonna tell you a lil’ story:
Once upon a time in a turf called Eden, there dwelt this Supreme Being. His homeboyz (there were three) called Him Yahweh, so we’ll go with dat. He worked sum of His awesome powerz and made man in His image. Now, this is where da story gets flavor’d, He gave man Eden (how cool is that?) and man dwelt there with Eve, his babymama. They lived in peace under Yahweh’s blessing, in Yahweh’s place, oh and I did I mention they were Yahweh’s peeps? Anywho, it was all grand ‘til one day dis thug, slug, serpent, whatever it is you be wanting to call him, came slitherin’ round da crib. Now he deceived Eve into thinkin’ that Yahweh was holdin’ out on her and her boo. So she broke the only house rule and sampled dat forbidden fruit. Well dat broke Yahweh’s heart. He loved them peeps, but because He was Truth and He was Holy, he had to kick dem out. Adam and Eve were evicted from Yahweh’s place. Now they’s no longer Yahweh’s peeps either. Not lookin’ too good, huh? Good thing Yahweh’s into hope and restoration.
Fast forward to Abram. Nows Abram’s name just didn’t suit. Y’all see, Yahweh called him and gave him a promise, a “covenant” of sorts. He changed his name to Abraham just to prove that the old has gone and the new has come (or is comin’). He gave him Canaan and blessed all the peoples through him. Dat’s right, dat’s the promise. Abraham was pops to Isaac, Isaac was daddy to Jacob and Jacob somehow had twelve sons. Stop. Dat’s a lot of sons. Ok, scene change; nows we be headed to Egypt where the situation is less than ideal for all of Jacob’s (aka Israel’s) chillens and whatnot. See, them crazy Egyptians they done locked them up. Makin’ them do all this hard labor and stuff, gettin’ calluses you know da drill. Aight, where was I? Oh yeah, slavery. Anywayz, 400 years later Yahweh tells Moses to show up, deliver the people from slavery, part a sea, and get some new rules. After some hard hearts, bland breakfasts, cold star-filled nights and forty years in the desert, the people of Israel, Yahweh’s people, show up on da scene, holla at a wall and take their promised land, Canaan. Sweetest milk and hunny e’er sampled. Thus, the partial kingdom. Nows I knowz what y’all thinkin’, “it ain’t a kingdom without a king.” Dat’s what all theys were thinkin’ too; see they forgot Yahweh was their king. Finally, after a bogus king, they got a solid, smooth king David. David was down and loved Yahweh and he was the closest thing to a Messiah Israel would see for a good long time now. On the flip side of David’s reign, the kings gots worse and worse until finally Yahweh was so far away, He couldn’t stand it. Yahweh called up Assyria and Babylon and befo’ theys knew it Israel was back in chains. You’d think by now they would have learned. Hmpf…
To make a looooong story short(er), trial and error proved dat these people couldn’t play by da rules, His rules. So Yahweh was like ‘these people need sum help’, and He promised a better king, a Messiah who would finally bring Yahweh’s folks back into Yahweh’s hood and they could f i n a l l y once again have Yahweh’s goodies. Well if dat ain’t the best news I’ve heard all day…I know you’re smilin’ right now, shoot I’m grinnin’ ear to ear. How you ask? Well let me tell ya. Jesus, dat’s right I said it. Jesus. Got a pretty ring to it don’t it? If that name cain’t calm waters I dunno what can. So, Yahweh sent His son Jesus to die fo’ all da people forever…fo’ eva eva. He did for Israel what Israel couldn’t do fo’ theyselves and thus fulfilled dat promise to our boy Abraham. All them thangs that separated us from Yahweh, Jesus took away when He died so that nothin’ else would stand in our way. You could say He stood in the gap (I think dat’s called intercession). So now dats where we be at, wit Jesus wearin’ the crown, sittin’ on the throne, reignin’ in our hearts. Hallelujah! Can I get a ‘amen’? Are you here to testify? Preach it, brotha! And dat still ain’t even the best part. The best part is what’s still ‘round da corner: a kingdom where Yahweh once again lives among His people in His place. Another Eden. A better Eden. A final destination. Home. Mmm Hmm!